" Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. "
- Proverbs 22:6
As many of you know I am highly involved in a program called Jesus House and that it is an inner city children's/youth ministry. Before this program I don't think I ever truly realized how deep my love for children went though. I know some of you would be shocked at that statement knowing that I've ALWAYS loved children, however, there are times you don't realize how deep your love truly goes until it has been tried a time or twenty . I have never truly met my wits end, but have come close quite a few times.
Tonight while talking to a friend of mine about Jesus House, I got on the topic of kids who have quit coming for various reasons. Though this topic is naturally sad/upsetting it's also very depressing. Every time the topic comes up there are 5 kids in particular that come to my mind. I'm nearly in tears every time I think about them. These kids had stopped coming for reasons that were out of our control.
I always pray they never forget the lessons we taught them and the love we showed them. I don't care if they ever remember our names or faces, because it's not about us, we are not important. What is important though, is that those kids knew that they were loved.
I remember one of the girls had a horrible attitude (and I mean HORRIBLE). I did everything I could to try and help her (or so I thought), but the day always seemed to end with us butting heads. I had been praying for a way to help her make some kind of difference in her life, but could never figure out how. Until one day I had just gotten fed up with it. I was sick and tired of her attitude and wasn't going to take it any longer. Instead of giving her a good talking to or making her sit in time out though (which had been tried and failed), I had taken her a side and had her sit down with me. She sat there with her arms crossed looking at me expecting me to yell at her or make her do something she didn't want to do. Instead I just told her to smile for me (yes, smile for me), nothing more simpler than that. She looked at me extremely confused trying to figure out where I was going with it. However, after having asked her about 3 times she finally smiled, with which I responded with "There's that beautiful girl I know. Why don't you smile more often? Don't you realize you look so much more beautiful when you smile?" It was right after that that I had seen one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen. I nearly cried when I realized I had finally said the right thing. From that point on her and I had a better understanding of each other. She knew I loved her and I finally was able to reach out to her. We still had a few rough patches after that moment but nothing compared to beforehand. My heart nearly broke into a million pieces after she left because it was only 2 weeks after we had made our connection that she left. I pray all the time she never forgets that she was loved and that there were people who cared about her.
There was also one of the boys who had become one of my little buddies . Every Sunday he made sure to come say hi to me and tell me about his day/week. He always prayed and wanted to make sure I knew he was praying (especially since during this time at Jesus House we had been teaching a lot on praying). Well one Sunday night at alter call I had went up to pray and so did some of the kids. Well after I was done this little boy had asked me why I cried sometimes when I prayed. I knew this was a good opportunity to talk to him about praying and such (obviously). So I explained to him that sometimes when we pray we care so much about the people or situations we are praying about that we cry, or that we love God so much that we cry. He looked at me and responded with "Oh okay". I then looked at him and told him "Do you realize that I care so much about you that when I pray for you I cry too ?" His eyes got huge and the biggest grin came over his face when he looked at me and responded "really?" . I nearly teared up at that moment.
Situations like the ones above make me realize why I do what I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm being taught more lessons than I am actually teaching.
On the outside of my dorm room door I have pics of Jesus House kids. Most of them are of kids who no longer come to Jesus House. I have them there so that I will always see there faces and remember them and the lessons they have taught me. Not to mention to pray for them. Tonight I did something a bit different thought. I took post-it-notes and wrote the name of a kid who no longer comes a sheet and stuck it on my wall. I have a total of 10 up right now. In the year I have been here we have lost 10 kids (and that's only the ones I can actually think of. There are plenty more that I am not remembering). I have the notes on my wall to remind me to pray for those kids. I don't think I could ever just look at those notes casually and pass them by.
Time is short and we are limited to the amount of time we have to express not only our love to people but God's love as well. I pray that we make as many good differences in peoples lives through Jesus House as we can . If it were up to me every kid in the community would be there every Sunday. But we haven't reached that point yet. But who knows what doors God could open.
I know a lot of this post seemed to be about kids who no longer come. That isn't to say I don't care about the kids who are currently there though. I don't call Jesus House my "heartbeat" for nothing. I guess I just have those who are no longer there really on my heart tonight.
I'm not totally sure how to end this blog other than to say if you want to change lives for the better than start with your own. Take time out of your day to say a prayer, tell someone "I love you.", and go the extra mile to make a difference. And above all else put God first in everything. You can never go wrong with any of that.
