The Goodbyes I Never Got to Say

       We've all had someone who meant something to us - everything to us. And sadly most of us have had those who meant the world to us just simply slip through our fingers.

       There's always a void left within you. Like a goodbye that was never said- left to linger in the silence of walking away, passing away, and growing apart.

      I've often said if given the choice I'd much rather tell someone 'goodbye' than 'hello'. Not because I no longer wanted them in my life and not because I had any ill feelings towards them, quite the contrary actually. But, because with goodbyes there comes closure.

      The word goodbye is often given a bad reputation because it often means the ending of something. But we never take into consideration that some things cannot begin until something else ends.

     There are so many goodbyes I would like to say. But I will never get the chance to. For some the closest I would ever get would be talking to a gravestone in the middle of a cemetery. .

     We are never guaranteed tomorrow and neither are those around us. So why are we wasting time assuming people know how we feel about them? Even if within us telling them goodbye (in one way or another) is the only way we can show them our love then why aren't we doing it ?

It's a metaphor ...

     Picture this there's a mic in the center of a stage with a single spot light beaming down upon it. Beyond the stage there is an audience patiently waiting to hear your words. You walk ever so quickly across the stage stand in front of the mic that stands dead center of the spotlight ... you then pull out your writing pen and begin to write.

 

That's life...

This is exactly how I feel about life right now. It's simple, but not easy. That's almost the beautiful thing about life though.

When I worked as a substitute I often had students who when they didn't get their way would often say "That's not fair" and my response would often be "Life's not fair, and if it were then we wouldn't learn to appreciate it". I don't really know that they caught what I was trying to say , but it really is true.

Life can't be both simple and easy. Just like it can't be both fair and appreciated.

Trust me there are many times in life that I would just love it if I could take a temporary break from life or  if life could take a temporary break from me (if that makes sense). But truth be told, it simply doesn't work that way. So we have to take it for what it is ... and that is simply LIFE

You Have the right to Remain Silent

       Have you ever been a room crowded wall to wall with people and to top it off there are a million voices (or so it seems) that seem to be speaking. Feeling overwhelemed you pull into yourself and instead of trying to be heard instead of trying to make sense of all the madness you become quiet and quickly look for the nearest exit.

       Sometimes I imagine that's what it feels like to try and minister to those around us. People coming and going constantly; constantly speaking and trying to be heard. We often feel overwhlemed and frightened. Wondering how our voice is supposed to make a difference amongst all those screaming things such as "freedom of religion", " World peace", " Alternative lifestyle is ok...it's a choice", "Abortion isn't taking away life ...it's maintaining life". How is our simple message "Jesus loves you. 1 faith, 1 Lord, 1 baptism" supposed to make a difference ?

      Can we really afford to not find out what that "simple" message means though. Because what we don't see while we're feeling overwhelemed and looking for the nearest "exit" there are others watching us to see what we're going to do. What our next move is. Maybe we can't reach the etire world by ourselves as individuals. But if we can reach but one person. That's one soul; one child of God.

    The faith the size of a grain of a mustard seed can move mountains ... think about what faith bigger than that can do .

Just a thought.

The Summer of Endings and Beginnings

I'm sitting on my bedroom packing up the piles of clothes and shoes that I have been procrastinating on packing up. But it's down to the wire because I leave early tomorrow morn . As I sit here I'm thinking over my summer and flashing back over everything that happened.

At the the beginning of the summer I started a photo album on my Facebook (as I do every summer) and titled it "The Summer of Endings and Beginnings", I don't think I realized how true of a statement that was going to be until now. I've had one of the craziest summers I have had in a long time. From the death of a dear classmate just days after after school ended (R.I.P Chase) to being crazy sick with my sugar for a solid 2 months (we're talking bed ridden, no lights on, can't eat, throwing up everything in your system, shaking and feeling weak... almost sounds like the flu, but nope. It was my sugar). From personal family problems to being unsure of whether or not I was going back to IBC. Not to mention my sister-in-law backed into my car and crushed my back left door, my brother got married, and I had to face a few fears that I wasn't sure I was ready to face.

There were a few upsides to this summer as well though. I was able to see friends and family that I hadn't seen in a long time. I was able to grow closer to my cousins children and get to know them better as well. My 3rd niece was born (My friend Kara's youngest daughter).  My brother got married (I know I posted it kinda as a stress factor up above and it was... weddings are stressful. But it was a joyous occasion as well). I was able to witness the amazing things God is doing in my home church. The fears I was afraid to face I faced with great triumph . And can I say that all the new pieces of clothing, pairs of shoes, and other random pieces I bought and were given to me were a great blessing as well. I was also able to be used as a light in the darkness, a witness if you will. I thank God for allowing me to be used.

I don't think I could or would want to repeat my summer. Though I did have many good moments the bad moments caused enough grief to last a lifetime. I learned a lot this summer though. I learned you're only as mature as you act (and a mature mindset will show in your actions), doesn't matter what happens or whether you agree or not a true friend will do whatever they have to do to help a friend out (within reason obviously), and your sins will find you out. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow ... but they will find you out.

As I'm packing my things up I'm anticipating the great school year ahead of me. I know it's going to be crazy, hard, amazing, life changing, and trying. But I also know that God has great things for this yr. I don't just hope that, but I know that for a fact. And I've decided that I want to be apart of these great things . So I have decided that to start fasting, praying, reading my bible, and to be more of a witness. Why is that you always seem to make these decisions come JR yr. ? I always seem to hear JR's and SR's talk about how they wished they wouldn't have been so careless in the freshman and sophmore yr. and I'm finding out that statement to be true.

I have also decided to make a few promises to myself. I've decided I'm going to start putting myself out there and talking to ppl more. Even ppl I've been going to school w/ since Freshman yr. and haven't hardly said 2 words to. I'm also going to start taking better care of myself. In both public appearance and keeping my room clean and up kept. I know how to look nice. I know how to dress cute and fix my hair...but I got so caught up in the hum-drum of side bun, black skirt, random top, black flats and go. Don't get me wrong that's cute put too repetitive. So I'm going to start dressing cuter and fixing my hair more. I feel better about myself when I do so. And my room...well that's going to be an ongoing battle. But I'm determined to keep a clean and tidy room (someone hold me accountable please lol).

Well I've procrastinated enough on this whole packing thing. So I best be getting back to it. I hope whoever is reading this though takes the time to look over their summer and see where they've come from just since the beginning of summer. You might be surprised of how much or even how little you've changed, learned, and know.

God Bless and Goodbye to the summer of endings and beginnings... you were a great adventure

- Aundreya

P.S. There's a few shouts from my summer :)

"They're trying to climb a social ladder that doesn't even exist."

The other day while going through radio stations I came across a commercial. It was a commercial about teens making the right decisions and such. It kinda reminded me of the anti-drug commercials/ads they came out w/ a few years ago . The ads/commercials showcased teens doing their "anti-drug" which was anything from taking care of their families to activities they enjoyed doing. Anyways back to the commercial I came across.

A teen boy came on and said "Everyone thinks that as a teen you're not a man if you don't have sex. They're trying to climb a social ladder that doesn't even exist." I was blown away by this young mans statement (mainly the latter part).

How is it we constantly seem to be climbing a/the social ladder that truly doesn't exist? Who in fact invented this ladder? What purpose does it hold? Most of the time a ladder is used for us to reach great heights, to be able to reach things unattainable from the ground below. But where does this ladder take you? To me it looks as if it only takes you higher- serving no purpose. You don't see any amazing views unless you like the view of looking down upon those who are below you. And what happens when you reach the top of this so called ladder? What do you obtain from it?

 Now I understand how there is a vast difference between being poor and homeless to living in the district of 90210. I also understand certain types of people are attracted to each other and there isn't wrong with that either. What is wrong, however,is us using it as an excuse to not befriend or talk to those who are not like us.

Most people often say they get tired of stereotypes. Unfortunately, though, we live in a world where we can't help but automatically put people into a stereotype and/or social circle. And though I'm just as guilty about it as anyone else is do you ever wonder why we're always striving to be better than some while trying to be as good as others? 

I don't really have an amazing conclusion to this post talking about how I have the solution to the problem. Truth is I don't really know how to fix it or if you even can. But I guess half the battle is already won in the acknowledging of the problem alone. So in closing I guess all I can say is open your eyes and realize there really isn't a ladder. We all stand on the same level just like we all breath the same air . And before you think I'm not going to put anything spiritual into this Jesus spoke to and ministered to sinners and there was a vast difference between him and them. So what makes us think we are above talking to those who are not like us ?

Poetry...

Some of you may not know it but I was into writing poetry when I was younger and have decided to post some of my old poems I just recently found

Snap! Click! Flash!
Snap! Click! Flash!
You are forever frozen in time.
Snap! Click! Flash!
You are trapped in that emotion.
Snap! Click! Flash!
What was once the present is now the past.
Snap! Click Flash!
Eternal memories captured. Both good and bad.
Snap! Click! Flash!
Your soul has been captured
Snap! Click! Flash!
Our hearts are on display.
There is nothing to be hidden.
Captured and held captive.
The moment is now a prisoner.
To be displayed for all the world to see.
Each smile, tear, laugh, and snarl
remind us of the yesterdays that were once
tomorrows.

And to think it all ends to only begin
with a snap, click, and flash.


Prisoner

Held captive in a prison she built for herself.
She wishes someone would set her free.
But never realizes that in her hand she holds
the key.

Feeling neglected and forgotten she collapses
to the floor.
Refusing to see that she is adored.
She seems to feel comfort in the pain she feels
from being ignored.

She tries to think of ways to escape from
this dreadful place.
Thoughts of freedom cloud her mind.
But she never realizes she is the reason she's
doing the time.

Her scars are hard to hide.
To see them makes you want to cry.
But to her it is her way of showing the
pain she feels inside.

 She likes to blame everyone for being
held captive in this prison she herself has
built.
But never sees that the walls that enclose 
her do no exist.
The chains that bound her are no where to be
found.
The thoughts screaming in her head are
silent to the world.

She is a prisoner.
A prisoner kept captive at her own
will in a prison she herself has built.

Toy Soldiers

Here stands a toy solider in his jeans and t-shirt array.
His breast plate shields his heart from pain.
His smile is his mask for nothing is what it seems.
His tongue is his sword for his words can cut deep.

Tread softly upon his territory for he is always on guard, 
ready and armed.
Though what he fears is to do harm.
He just goes numb so that he doesn't have to feel.
He doesn't like to know that pain is real.

His eyes at times look so cold that you know He
has war stories that are untold.
Many would say he is a brave soul and that is not
a lie, but if they could truly see what haunts him in
his dreams at night.

I'm not trying to make it sound like what this toy solider
does is in vain.
Because he truly is brave.
If he is weak he can lean on a shoulder.
But the war is now over.
It is time for him to come off of his shelf and be among
everyone else.

* I read this poem for a speech in my speech class my freshman yr. and my teacher (Bro. Romine) loved it*


Broken Hope

I lay my burdens down to rest.
My heart pounds heavy in my chest.
I am not strong in fact I am weak and 
at times cannot stand on my own two feet.
I'm tired of this constant fight, but I
know I will get through the night

My secrets have taken their toll.
I have a bruise upon my soul.
I have cried my tears of crimson
and salt.
But alas I know all is not lost.

My screams were held silent against their
will.
Because I was too afraid to feel.
Fear had became a friend to me, but
it will soon become my enemy

I live my life as if it were a play.
To keep the world away from
my pain.
But I have begun to learn there is no
gain unless you count the growth of
pain.

I used to think that it was okay
to always find someone else
to blame.
I used to think that it was fine
to treat everyone so unkind.
But in the end I'd always find
broken hearts including mine.

I would love to say that I'm okay.
I would love to say the pain has
gone away.
But that would be a lie and I'm tired
of trying to hide everything that's
inside of me.
So I pray in spite of my broken
misery that you will see the hope
that still lives inside of me.

Striving to Be

There she sits unknowingly that is truly her destiny. 
Though right now all she sees is pain in time she will smile again. 
Through everything she has stood strong and never gave up her song. 
She continued her dance for she knew this was her chance. 
She fought it all along and though it may have made her stumble she did not tumble. 
For she knew what she had to do and it may have made her weak but it did not break her in to pieces. 
For it is within our weakest times that we truly learn our strengths. 
We learn what makes us break and we learn what it takes. 
It is in these moments she knows that she just has to hold on. 
Though she may frown she has not given up. 
Life just seems tough. 
So little by little she pushes. 
For no one can truly bring her down. 
She's too proud to be pushed around. 
She knows in the end there is victory though to her the future is a mystery. 
So she sits there unknowingly this is truly her destiny. 
She just does what she feels is right and within this strength she shall win the fight.

For the pure sake of randomocity...

So I've decided that once a month I'm going to post a blog entry that is purely random; They'll have things like random facts about different things, a story I've found on the Internet, I may even ask a few questions and have readers answer me in their comments. And I'll title them "For the Sake of Pure Randomocity" (I thought it fit considering the name of my blog and all lol).

For this month's post I'm just going to do a list of things that make me happy - I promise next month I'll have a bit more interesting ... but here it goes lol.

Things that make Aundreya M. Horne (AKA ME! lol) Happy

1.) God
2.) Friends
3.) Family
4.) Kids
5.) Older music like Frank Sinatra, Lena Horne, Dean Martin, etc.
6.) My all time favorite songs are "Swinging on a Star" and "Do Wah Diddy"
7.) Indiana Bible College
8.) Northern summers and running around catching fireflies (makes me feel 8 again)
9.) Jesus House
10.) The color green
11.) Walking around downtown (Indianapolis especially)
12.) Singing - I have a song for EVERYTHING
13.) Laughing and smiling
14.) Sno Cones ( But they have to be from Texas...ppl up North do not know how to make them correctly)
15.) Mexican food
16.) Surprises ... well good ones anyways
17.) Traveling
18.) Reading
19.) Playing games like Mad Gab, Scatagories, and Apples to Apples
20.) Listening to music any time of day or night :)
21.) Helping ppl - as funny as it sounds I always feel better about myself if I know that I was able to help someone out
22.) The Grand Ol' Opry in Nashville,TNN
23.) Shopping and putting outfits together (though it doesn't always show lol)
24.) Anything with a story - old houses, antiques, cemetaries, old letters , etc
25.) Being true to myself and my God. One of the best things I ever did for myself was to decide to be who I really am and to be true to God.
26.) VANILLA COKE AND CHEDDER PEPPERS FROM SONIC!!!!!
27.) Photography (bothing taking and editing)
28.) Movies like the Sound of Music, The Little Mermaid, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Welp I think that's enough randomocity for one post. I hope everyone has a blessed weekend and maybe my random list has inspired you to make a list of things that make you happy if so feel free to share them... it's always interesting to see what different things make different ppl happy :)

God Bless,
Aundreya =]

I Sing Because...

" I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow and that's the reason why I sing"

I sat down at the computer today and those lyrics played into my mind. I haven't thought about that song in ages (At least not since the last time I watched Sister Act 2). I forgot how beautiful it was.

I sing because I'm happy - I've had my shares of ups and downs recently but I haven't lost my smile, I haven't lost my laughter and I haven't lost my song. I've often said 'Happiness isn't being blind to the wrong around you. Happiness is seeing the wrong around you and still choosing to be happy'. I'm learning to live by that moto even more now. I can see the wrong clear as day... but I'm still choosing to be happy.

I sing because I'm free -  Can you imagine what it would be like to live in a world where there is no freedom?  So many of us live in a mind set that the world is ours for the taking. But is it truly? Forget slavery and over barring governments what about those addicted, bound, and held captive to things such as drugs, alcohol, sex, money, and even abuse. Where is there freedom in that? Yeah we're 'free' to make mistakes, but are we 'free' to truly be free? I'm grateful for the freedom I have through Christ. Without him I would be bound to this world. I am free to worship God, love, and yes even sing.

His eye is on the sparrow and that's the reason why I sing - God's eye is even on the tiniest of creatures. He watchs them and protects them. We often feel as if we're alone and no one can see us where we are, but God does. If his eye is on the sparrow what makes us think his watchful eye isn't on us? We often think that when harm comes our way that God is no where to be found. But God never promised you, me, or even the tiny sparrow that hardships wouldn't come our way. But on the contrary he's watching our every step, every way, trial, hardship, and even adventure. I'm gratful for a God who not only sees me even when I feel as if I'm in the darkest place of my life ... but one who also hears my cries, wipes away my tears, and comforts me. It doesn't matter how low my valley is nor how high my mountain is , his eye is on me.

One of my close friends often teases me because I always seem to have a song for something - anything. and it's true I do- good days, bad days, laughing moments, crying moments, inside jokes, and even times when I make a fool of myself... the truth is, though a singer I am not, I have a song to be sung and a God to praise and that my friends is the reason why I sing. 

I want to write...

So often sit down to my computer, open up my blog and just stare at the blank box. You see I often have something to say ... that is until I sit down to type it. You wouldn't believe how often I seem to get writers block. I enjoy writing greatly, but unless I have an amazingly brilliant idea I feel as if I have nothing of worth to write about . I do believe this should change though. I feel as if you want to become better at something you should just push yourself to continue trying...and that is exactly what I'm going to do. Whether it be biblical writings or just about my likes and dislikes I am from here on making a vow to better my writing skills ...

Aicmophobia

Ladies and Gents I am proud to say I conquered one of my greatest fears today. First of all I went to the doctor ( anyone who knows me knows I DETEST going to the doctor) second of all I had some blood work done and almost more than storms I hate needles. I asked both the doctor and the lady who too my blood if the needle would hurt as well as I told them I was not a fan of needles - needless to say they both laughed at me . I made it through just the same though.

Bowling balls, bowling shoes, and bowling pins

      I came across these group shots today. My laughter filled the room as I remembered the events of that night. From each of us cheering each other on when it was their time to bowl ; to  my numerous gutter balls. From carrying on random conversations; to random pictures (like the ones above). I don't think that anyone would disagree that this night was a blast. 

       For most of us it was our first semester at IBC. We were all eager to get out, to get to know ppl, and to have fun. And that's exactly what we did that night .

      This is still one of my favorite memories from my first semester (hard to believe that was 2 yrs. ago). I had a ton a fun with some really awesome ppl. Sadly I hardly ever talk to most of the ppl in these pictures anymore but I will never forget that night nor the ppl I shared it with :) . 

Walking away, giving up, and saying goodbye .

Ever have to walk away from something you never thought you would have to walk away from?
Ever have to give something up you never thought you would have to give up?
Ever have say 'goodbye' to someone you never thought you would have to say 'goodbye' to ?

These past 4 yrs. I've done my fair share of walking away, giving up, and saying goodbye. Though most (if not all) of it was for the better, it never got any easier (and still isn't). It hurt more than words could express. My heart was in pain (and not figuratively speaking...it literally hurt) and my tears could've cleared up this drought we're having here in Texas (ok so that was a bit exaggerated , but you get the point).

When I walked away from the things I walked away from I made sure I stuck to my guns and never used the saying 'I walked away and never looked in back' , personally I think it's impossible to do so. You have to know what you're walking away from and why you walked away and sometimes that's why you HAVE to look back. I don't support by any means dwelling on the matter, but you can't forget it's very existence either. I came to realize that I had to walk away from things holding me back in order to walk toward something better.

Giving up is never easy either. You're often told 'quitters never prosper' . In some situations though that is not the case. In some situations in order to prosper you have to quit something . You can't continue doing the same things you've always done. There's a saying that says "If you always give what you always gave.  Then you'll always get what you've always got." I never want to be stuck in that rut. Though I am a creature of habit (don't believe me ? Just ask the  waiter from Applebee's in Greenwood,IN ... he has my order memorized because I'm there so often) I know that not all habits are good. And I also know that they die hard. Leaving the pieces where they lie is not easy by any means and in fact is extremely hard... but I guess that's where walking away comes into play as well

Honestly saying goodbye to people though was the hardest one of all. I've had to say many goodbye's in my lifetime. Some just meant 'see ya later' , while others meant 'have a good life'. Some meant 'Say hello to Jesus for me' (saddest ones by far), and others meant 'we can no longer be friends'. The hardest goodbye's were the ones said with uncertainty though. You know the ones where you're unsure if 'goodbye' is even the appropriate thing to say. You know it's the end of something ... but sometimes you're not even sure what that 'something' is , it just doesn't seem to fit and you can't even put your finger on why.

The last point of my 'goodbye' section is something I'm currently dealing with. I'm not so sure that goodbye is the right thing to say. I know something is ending, I just don't know what or how exactly. It pains me but I know it's something I have to do. This would be the perfect time for that person I'm saying goodbye to step up and prove themselves... sadly it's not looking to be that way though. That's ok though because I can do this. I can walk away and yes , still look back. I can give up and leave the pieces where they lie. I can also say goodbye no matter how much it pains me.

These are all things that we just have to deal with in life and though I wish I never had to deal with them I know if life were perfect then I wouldn't know how to truly appreciate it either.
I think that is the beautiful thing about life though. No matter what it continues on.

Beauty...

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I guess then the question that remains is this - What are you beholding? 

The final days ...

So this is pretty much what my week will consist of...

1.) Finals (boo!)

2.) Graduation Banquet at the Indiana State Museum downtown Indy

3.) Graduation

4.) Saying goodbye's (Not happy about this)

5.) My best friend (Ruth) is flying in on Saturday

6.) Ruth and I are driving to Texas come Sunday

Siiiiiigh and this is how my last week of the semester shall be. Can't believe it's over already

The change

Things are changing. My life is rearranging.
I'm letting go. I'm following a different flow.
My heart is my pounding. My tears are sounding.
But alas I know in this I will grow.

"The Blame Game" or "The Age of Accountability" (I'll let you decide)

* Below I have posted a paper that I wrote for my English Comp. paper. We had to choose a controversial topic and write on it. And this is what I chose ...

"The Blame Game" or "The Age of Accountability" (I'll let you decide)

     Cleveland, TX is my hometown. It is a quaint small town community.  Not many people have ever heard of it and nothing of great significance ever seems to happen there – and that’s just how many of the long-time residents want it to stay (or at least that is what everyone is made to think)

            The biggest thing I can remember that really created a media buzz for our ‘small town’ was DF Dub’s song “Country Girl” – where the starting lyrics say “She was a country girl from Cleveland, Texas…” (Which on a side note I personally don’t suggest listening to the song. It’s rather inappropriate). Recently, however, Cleveland has made quite a few media appearances. Not because of any great accomplishments or another artist writing catchy lyrics with our towns name in them though. In fact the recent events that have had our small town in the media are revealing the darker side of our town. The side that not even many residents are aware of.

            Back in November an 11 yr. old Hispanic girl was allegedly gang raped by anywhere from 18 – 28 men (all ranging from the age of 14 to the age of 27). According to the story she had been lured from her residence into a car with one or more of the suspects. The suspects had taken her to a home and ordered her to strip down. The men then began to rape the young girl.

            When a relative of one of the suspects came home all the men along with the young girl jumped out a back window. They then took the girl to an abandoned trail and continued to rape her.

            They didn’t just stop their though, they called a few more men who came in and raped the girl as well. To top it all of a few of the so called ‘men’ recorded the entire thing on their cell phones.

            The investigation started when a student of the local school district recognized the girl and some of the suspects from the videos that had been circulating (apparently not only did they record the horrific scene they also shared it with others)

            Cleveland which was at one point separated by segregation but thought to have been moving away from such ways of thinking has been in an uproar. Since most if not all the boys arrested in the investigation are black/African American and the girl is Hispanic many have turned this into a racial fight instead of what it truly is – and that is a heinous crime. I think some people don’t realize that racism is just as colorless as anti-racism.  All it takes is one person of any race or creed to decide they don’t like someone else and blame the entire race of that person for the way they are (for some they are even racist against their own race). The only true difference between racism and anti-racism is the fine line between love and hate.

            According to the Houston Chronicle a meeting was held in Cleveland on March 10^th  led by Quenell X (Leader of the Houston district New Black Panthers group) to discuss the concerns some had on the investigation involving the suspects. Many concerns were made known during the meeting - one of which was that the girl apparently had been either sexually active or sexually assaulted beforehand with/by men of other races previously before. Mr. X wanted to know when these men will be dealt with as well and why only the “black men” were being prosecuted . Though I understand his concern one can’t help but wonder why right now in the midst of this crisis someone would choose to argue racism above all things. If there are other men I am sure they will be dealt with as well.  

            Many who left the meeting that evening left saying the girl was the one to blame.

            An 11 year old girl being held accountable for the actions of young men and boys? Many residents stated that she had dressed provocatively, wore make up, and even talked of sexual relationships on her Facebook. This therefore deemed her accountable. How many grown women do the exact same thing and are just looked at as being “adults”? Is that saying they deserve to be raped as well?

            Another point that was brought up was that the girl had lied about her age, saying she was 17.  Even if she had lied about her age forcing sex upon someone-anyone would still be considered rape. Even if she were 111 instead of 11 it’d still be called rape. Age (like color) has nothing to do with the fact of whether or not it was truly “rape”.

            That set aside even if the girl had lied about her age and even if she had consented to having sex with all these men. It’d still be considered rape. She was a minor and therefore it be considered statutory rape.

            It shouldn’t matter how old the men/boys were- they were all old enough to know the difference of right and wrong. There are times where some situations are just as simple as yes or no. We all have a conscience living inside of us that reminds us if we’re doing something wrong. Anyone who walks around acting as if they don’t have one truly is evil in my eyes.

            Mr. X raised the question asking why the girl had never told anyone about the rape. Almost making it sound as if she were not a victim based upon this fact alone. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) 60% of sexual assaults are never reported. Many victims do not report sexual assault out of fear or feeling guilty for the other person’s actions – feeling as if they somehow brought this on themselves. Jolanda Jones (A member of the Houston City Counsel) was quoted by Fox26 (a local Houston T.V. station) saying “I 'm irritated, I'm frustrated and I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed by anyone that would blame that baby for anything that happened to her. Shame on them. As a child who was molested by my uncle, it affects you forever. I was 8. He was a man. I did not make an outcry until I was 21 to my mom and my grandmother because he told me he would kill me and he would kill my mom”

            Many people have been bringing up the question where the girl’s parents were while all this was happening. “I would know where she was. That’s the justice. Not knowing where your baby is is not justice” Said a mother of one of the suspects to a Fox26 news reporter. She also went on to state that she felt the mother should be held accountable for the rape because of her not knowing where her daughter was. Though most of us are asking the same question you can’t help but ask yourself where were the parents of some of these boys at as well? Did they know where their children were?  If that’s how you settle who was or wasn’t accountable couldn’t the suspects parents be held responsible as well?

            The child has been put into foster care for her safety. Her family has minimal contact with her. As is officials have also advised the girl’s family to move out of Cleveland for the time being for their safety as well.

            As of now 19 men and boys have been arrested. 16 have so far pleaded not guilty. I will not lie there is a part of me that would love for those pleading not guilty to truly be innocent. I would not wish anyone to be guilty of this crime just like I would not wish anyone to be a victim of this crime. But things are not looking to be that way in this case.

            Another thing that saddens me in this case is the negligence of some of the Cleveland city residence. Truth be told though Cleveland is small, quaint and comes across as a friendly town many of the problems we have in Cleveland are due to someone turning a blind eye or a deaf ear to everything going on. You know the sayings “The other side of the tacks” or “The wrong side of the tracks” ? We literally have that in Cleveland. We have a train track that runs through the town; on the north side of town just over the train tracks is the “ghetto” of Cleveland.  Truth be told it’s not much different than nor safer than the inner city areas of somewhere such as Indianapolis.

            Many people have been going on about how they never thought this could happen in our town. Sadly I am not surprised. According to cityscout.com on a scale from 1 to 100 (1 being most dangerous city and 100 being safest city) Cleveland ranked a 2. Showing we are only 2% safer than most U.S. cities . with property damage ranking highest in our crime rate.

            The nerve racking part of it all is the people who want to sit  by and be shocked by the crimes going on and yet can talk about how horrible of a school district we have due to gangs, violence, drugs, and etc. Is not the school district a reflection of the community?

            Not to point fingers and not to play blame games but there comes a point where you have to ask yourself what are you doing to help change things around? Children are being raped, dressing like someone off the streets, and turning to substances such as alcohol and drugs. When did our children learn that it was okay to live this why? When was it socially acceptable for anyone let alone a child to live this way? Truth be told if you’re not trying to make a difference for the better then in some ways you can hold yourself accountable as well.

            Being a law abiding citizen is good. It benefits you very much to be of good report with the law. But if you’re not using your good to help others then it could be considered laziness. Not saying one has to go to the ghetto and start trying to change the lives of those there. But there are many different ways you can make a difference in your community. Many churches, schools, and community programs have opportunities for you to be involved in.

            Our town has been turned upside down by this heinous crime and I am glad they are finally starting to wake up. I have been waiting years for this to happen. I am however saddened by the fact that it was at the cost of a child’s innocence. A child should never have to pay the price for our ignorance or negligence.

            I pray that maybe now those in the Cleveland community would start speaking up, start getting involved, and start making changes. There should never have to be another incident like this ever again. And I pray that there never will be.

In an ideal world

In an ideal world my summer would work out perfectly as to where I could...

1.)  Go home (TX) for a month

2.) Come back to Indy and have a place to stay (Until school starts back up)

3.) Work at one of the camps here

4.) Have a job that'll keep me even after all that madness

Wouldn't it be lovely if all of that worked out? 

I Choose to Remember

Though my heart is aching and feels like breaking
I choose to remember.

Though the tears I cry feel as if they may never cease
I choose to remember.

Though my mind cannot truly grasp why this happened
I choose to remember.

Though it pains me when I realize you're no longer around
I choose to remember.

I choose to remember you .

I choose to remember your laughter ; your smile ; your words.

I choose to remember your love ; your friendship ; your devotion.

I choose to always remember and never forget you.

I choose to remember !

I remember when ...

          Picture this with me if you will. A small country church in Cleveland, Tx. It's probably around 9:00 p.m. and the youth group is up at the church decorating the fellowship hall for the upcoming Christmas Banquet. Bro. and Sis. Dempsey are both there to supervise and Bro. Dempsey has come straight to the church from having worked all day. And so our scene begins ...

         Bro. Dempsey since he was extremely tired from work was being a crank. Grumpy and ready to go home he knew that we needed to get the decorating finished so he just decided to stick it out.

         Well I myself wasn't exactly in a good mood either (though for the life of me I cannot remember why). So most people were doing their best to stay out of our ways. That is until we got in each other's ways.

        I'm not exactly sure what started it , but I do remember throwing a Hershey Kiss at his head. It hit him right on his temple. The funny part was it left the bright red mark that was in the exact shape of a Hershey Kiss. He wasn't happy with me by any means (in fact was rather upset) but still couldn't help but laugh when we told him about the red spot in the shape of a Hershey Kiss.
        Some bantering went on back and forth through out the night when finally he was getting on  my last nerve because he was being such a grump. He decided to announce that he'd be back in a minute and that he had to go the bathroom. Without hesitation or even thinking about It I shot back with "Fine! I hope everything comes out okay!". He stopped turned and looked at me with utter shock on his face and then just continued on to the bathroom because he didn't know what to say.
         As soon as he was out of earshot Sis. Dempsey busted out laughing and congratulated me on my comeback. I busted out laughing too partially from pure shock at what I had just said and partially because of his reaction. Though I'm not sure why I was so shocked. Moments like those seemed to happen all the time w/ me and the Dempsey's.
        He later apologized to all of us for being such a grump and we laughed about this story later on.

        I realize this story makes me seem like a bratty teenager (which I guess I was being one) but it honestly describes my relationship with Bro. Dempsey. He wasn't just my youth my youth pastor; just my best friends father; just my second father; but he was my youth pastor, best friends father, and my second father (and so much more). Anyone who truly knew this man knows it's so hard to fully find the words to describe him. If you were so much as blessed to just have met him then you were blessed more than you know. I will never forget this man and the lessons he taught me. The impact he made upon my life (and so many others) will never be forgotten.

        In closing I leave you with one of his most famous quotes (which I'm sure he picked up from somewhere lol) "You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose. But you cannot pick your friend's nose"

LOVE YOU BRO. DEMPSEY!

Just found this in another blog and thought it was  cute -

 A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. “Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!” he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not.

Shortly after, along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy.

“Hey” asked the boy in return with a bright laugh, “Don’t you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle.”

The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy and began to try to open his eyes to the “realities” of the miracles of the Bible. “That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10 inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across.”

The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation.

“Wow!” exclaimed the boy happily, “God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!”

Love is in the air...

So that time of year is here once again - Valentines Day (well almost anyways). The time of year where you show the person you love how much you love them. Truth be told to many it seems to be a holiday that is over commercialized so companies can make money. And in this day in age it may very well be ... but I say who cares. What is wrong with having a day dedicated solely to showing someone how much you love them? Yes you should them all year around ... but it's nice to make the one you love feel special. So why not do it on a day like Valentine's Day?

And for those of you who sit around pouting because you don't have "someone" to spend Valentine's Day with , you aren't doing yourself any favors. As a girl I can sympathize about wanting to share it was that special someone ... but if you don't have that special "someone" to spend it with what good does pouting do?  Do you have friends? Do you have a family? Why not spend time with them? Yes, Valentines Day is more of a romantic holiday. But I think it's the "romance" of Valentine's Day that is overplayed at times. Truth be told it's more of a day about showing, sharing, and receiving love.

As for me. I shall be spending my Valentine's Day at college and later that evening at the IBC Valentine's Banquet. Since I surround myself with people I love and who love me in return anyways, looks like I'm set for this day of "love". No, I will not have that special "someone" to spend it with I will , however, have amazing friends and a great banquet date (one of my good guy friends) to spend it with. What more could a girl ask for?

The Great Physician

   Okay, so the other day at church (Sunday morning to be exact) they had prayer for the sick and asked those who needed prayer for their bodies to come to the front to be prayed for. I didn't feel like I needed to go up considering nothing was really wrong with me , that is except for the fact that I had a cold.

  
   But it's just a cold no biggy, right? That's what I've always thought.I don't remember a time or age where I didn't have a cold . Now I don't catch major things like the flu that easily , but colds are easy to the extreme for me to catch (even in the middle of summer with perfect weather). Since I've always been able to catch colds like a fisherman catches fish. It's just been a way of life for me.

  
   I also came to the realization that I was tired and this seems to be a reoccurring thing with me. It doesn't matter how much rest I do or don't get. I never seem to get enough sleep.

    
   Suddenly it hit me! I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Since it had become a way of life for me I never really thought about asking for healing for it. Not that I didn't think God couldn't/wouldn't do it but since I've been "sickly" for as long as I can remember it was just something that never occurred to me. Now don't ask me why it took 23 years for me to figure this out, but it did.

    
   I walked up to the front to get prayed for and I myself prayed for healing like I never had before. I felt God's presence surround me. Now I wasn't miraculously healed in that moment and though that would've been great I learned something very powerful in that moment.

    
   While I was praying I found myself speaking the words "God, even if you don't heal me you are still a healer and I thank you for being a healer just the same." These were words I didn't even know were within me to say. And then suddenly I found my mind flooded with how powerful that was as well as how amazing of a sermon it would make.
    
    I have since been trying to write the thought down and I think I've finally came up with a good enough rough draft of it. LOL sadly it came to me during Gospel's today , so needless to say I wasn't really paying attention during class (Sorry Bro. Brown haha). But anywho ... here's my thought :

      God is always God no matter what he does or doesn't do.

      If God doesn't heal you for whatever reason doesn't mean he's not a healer. Just because doesn't do something for us doesn't mean he's incapable of doing it and yet we feel like if he doesn't meet our needs he isn't capable of doing it. We find ourselves saying " God, you didn't provide for me when I was in need, you aren't who you really say you are."

     Why do we seem to put God on a lower standard than humans themselves ? God's ways are higher than ours. If he chooses not to do something doesn't mean he has forsaken us but indeed has greater plans beyond our knowledge and/or belief.

    If a doctor cannot cure a disease does that mean he isn't a doctor? No!

   If a bank doesn't give you money does that mean it isn't a bank? No!

   If a Mechanic cannot fix your car does that mean he isn't a mechanic? No!

   If a parent tells their child " no " or punishes them for something they did wrong does that mean they don't love their child or that they're bad parents? No!

   So why would you assume God isn't who and what he says he is ?

   Why hold humans; who aren't capable of fully doing everything within their field; to a higher standard?

    God has a choice of what he does. We serve a God of choice not possibilities (meaning He chooses to do what he does). It's not just something that he is capable of doing but something he chooses to do.

     Even if God never chose to love us, take care of us, or even forgive us - guess what ? He'd still be God.

    We don't define God ; God defines us.