I want to write...

So often sit down to my computer, open up my blog and just stare at the blank box. You see I often have something to say ... that is until I sit down to type it. You wouldn't believe how often I seem to get writers block. I enjoy writing greatly, but unless I have an amazingly brilliant idea I feel as if I have nothing of worth to write about . I do believe this should change though. I feel as if you want to become better at something you should just push yourself to continue trying...and that is exactly what I'm going to do. Whether it be biblical writings or just about my likes and dislikes I am from here on making a vow to better my writing skills ...

Aicmophobia

Ladies and Gents I am proud to say I conquered one of my greatest fears today. First of all I went to the doctor ( anyone who knows me knows I DETEST going to the doctor) second of all I had some blood work done and almost more than storms I hate needles. I asked both the doctor and the lady who too my blood if the needle would hurt as well as I told them I was not a fan of needles - needless to say they both laughed at me . I made it through just the same though.

Bowling balls, bowling shoes, and bowling pins

      I came across these group shots today. My laughter filled the room as I remembered the events of that night. From each of us cheering each other on when it was their time to bowl ; to  my numerous gutter balls. From carrying on random conversations; to random pictures (like the ones above). I don't think that anyone would disagree that this night was a blast. 

       For most of us it was our first semester at IBC. We were all eager to get out, to get to know ppl, and to have fun. And that's exactly what we did that night .

      This is still one of my favorite memories from my first semester (hard to believe that was 2 yrs. ago). I had a ton a fun with some really awesome ppl. Sadly I hardly ever talk to most of the ppl in these pictures anymore but I will never forget that night nor the ppl I shared it with :) . 

Walking away, giving up, and saying goodbye .

Ever have to walk away from something you never thought you would have to walk away from?
Ever have to give something up you never thought you would have to give up?
Ever have say 'goodbye' to someone you never thought you would have to say 'goodbye' to ?

These past 4 yrs. I've done my fair share of walking away, giving up, and saying goodbye. Though most (if not all) of it was for the better, it never got any easier (and still isn't). It hurt more than words could express. My heart was in pain (and not figuratively speaking...it literally hurt) and my tears could've cleared up this drought we're having here in Texas (ok so that was a bit exaggerated , but you get the point).

When I walked away from the things I walked away from I made sure I stuck to my guns and never used the saying 'I walked away and never looked in back' , personally I think it's impossible to do so. You have to know what you're walking away from and why you walked away and sometimes that's why you HAVE to look back. I don't support by any means dwelling on the matter, but you can't forget it's very existence either. I came to realize that I had to walk away from things holding me back in order to walk toward something better.

Giving up is never easy either. You're often told 'quitters never prosper' . In some situations though that is not the case. In some situations in order to prosper you have to quit something . You can't continue doing the same things you've always done. There's a saying that says "If you always give what you always gave.  Then you'll always get what you've always got." I never want to be stuck in that rut. Though I am a creature of habit (don't believe me ? Just ask the  waiter from Applebee's in Greenwood,IN ... he has my order memorized because I'm there so often) I know that not all habits are good. And I also know that they die hard. Leaving the pieces where they lie is not easy by any means and in fact is extremely hard... but I guess that's where walking away comes into play as well

Honestly saying goodbye to people though was the hardest one of all. I've had to say many goodbye's in my lifetime. Some just meant 'see ya later' , while others meant 'have a good life'. Some meant 'Say hello to Jesus for me' (saddest ones by far), and others meant 'we can no longer be friends'. The hardest goodbye's were the ones said with uncertainty though. You know the ones where you're unsure if 'goodbye' is even the appropriate thing to say. You know it's the end of something ... but sometimes you're not even sure what that 'something' is , it just doesn't seem to fit and you can't even put your finger on why.

The last point of my 'goodbye' section is something I'm currently dealing with. I'm not so sure that goodbye is the right thing to say. I know something is ending, I just don't know what or how exactly. It pains me but I know it's something I have to do. This would be the perfect time for that person I'm saying goodbye to step up and prove themselves... sadly it's not looking to be that way though. That's ok though because I can do this. I can walk away and yes , still look back. I can give up and leave the pieces where they lie. I can also say goodbye no matter how much it pains me.

These are all things that we just have to deal with in life and though I wish I never had to deal with them I know if life were perfect then I wouldn't know how to truly appreciate it either.
I think that is the beautiful thing about life though. No matter what it continues on.

Beauty...

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I guess then the question that remains is this - What are you beholding?