You know those scenes you play over in you mind of a girl who is in the process of packing for a week ; however; she has packed enough pieces of clothing to last her a yr (and that's not even scratching the surface of how big her wardrobe actually is).She shoves everything she can into her luggage and when the suitcase simply refuses to close she plops herself down on top of it forcing it to close. Sure a few shirt sleeves may be hanging out , you may even catch a glimpse of a skirt hem or two, but hey, it is closed.
However, there's sure to be an explosion of fabric once the suitcase is in fact opened. A "Proceed With Caution" sign should be installed warning WHOEVER chooses to open it of what is to come (yes, even the girl who packed it).
Welp, I am that girl ... not so much with my real clothing and/or luggage (though there have been a few times...). But more so in life. I don't like to deal with things , and get this I have a hard time talking. I know what you're thinking " Aundreya, really? You? " and the answer is yes. See it's no biggy for me to talk ... about surface things.
I have a friend who likes to go on a rant whenever he's upset about something saying "I'm not a girl. I don't like talking about the problem I just hold it in..." and almost refuses to talk when all you've said is "Hey, are you okay?" (though in the midst of it he does end up venting about SOMETHING lol). I kinda feel that way some days (except for the fact that I actually am a girl).
Sadly though I refuse to talk about it almost to the point of not even talking to God about it; out of sight out of mind. I don't intend to do it ... I just stuff it away in a suitcase and try not to think about it. That is until find that suitcase and decide to open it up and see what's in there... and suddenly I'm reminded why I had both stuffed and hid that suitcase.
It hurts like crazy. Sometimes, revisiting an old heat ache hurts way more than the initial pain, I have learned this more and more about myself this past yr.
I have also learned though, that my suitcases of pain are no longer needed and have in fact became unwanted baggage taking up space in my heart. It's time to hand I started trading in my rags for riches.
I have been obsessed lately with the songs "Forgiveness" by Matthew West and "Even If" by Kutless (I highly recommend listening to both songs), and I recently read "A Tale of Three Kings". Through these 2 songs and this book (as well as good ol' faithful AKA my Bible, and God) I'm learning to see things in a different light.
* Here's the lyrics to both songs
FORGIVENESS by Matthew West
It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve
It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve
It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
EVEN IF by Kutless
Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are
Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are
You’re still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You’re working all things for our good
We’ll sing your praise
You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are
Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are
You’re still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You’re working all things for our good
We’ll sing your praise
You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Even if the healing doesn’t come
