The Summer of Endings and Beginnings

I'm sitting on my bedroom packing up the piles of clothes and shoes that I have been procrastinating on packing up. But it's down to the wire because I leave early tomorrow morn . As I sit here I'm thinking over my summer and flashing back over everything that happened.

At the the beginning of the summer I started a photo album on my Facebook (as I do every summer) and titled it "The Summer of Endings and Beginnings", I don't think I realized how true of a statement that was going to be until now. I've had one of the craziest summers I have had in a long time. From the death of a dear classmate just days after after school ended (R.I.P Chase) to being crazy sick with my sugar for a solid 2 months (we're talking bed ridden, no lights on, can't eat, throwing up everything in your system, shaking and feeling weak... almost sounds like the flu, but nope. It was my sugar). From personal family problems to being unsure of whether or not I was going back to IBC. Not to mention my sister-in-law backed into my car and crushed my back left door, my brother got married, and I had to face a few fears that I wasn't sure I was ready to face.

There were a few upsides to this summer as well though. I was able to see friends and family that I hadn't seen in a long time. I was able to grow closer to my cousins children and get to know them better as well. My 3rd niece was born (My friend Kara's youngest daughter).  My brother got married (I know I posted it kinda as a stress factor up above and it was... weddings are stressful. But it was a joyous occasion as well). I was able to witness the amazing things God is doing in my home church. The fears I was afraid to face I faced with great triumph . And can I say that all the new pieces of clothing, pairs of shoes, and other random pieces I bought and were given to me were a great blessing as well. I was also able to be used as a light in the darkness, a witness if you will. I thank God for allowing me to be used.

I don't think I could or would want to repeat my summer. Though I did have many good moments the bad moments caused enough grief to last a lifetime. I learned a lot this summer though. I learned you're only as mature as you act (and a mature mindset will show in your actions), doesn't matter what happens or whether you agree or not a true friend will do whatever they have to do to help a friend out (within reason obviously), and your sins will find you out. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow ... but they will find you out.

As I'm packing my things up I'm anticipating the great school year ahead of me. I know it's going to be crazy, hard, amazing, life changing, and trying. But I also know that God has great things for this yr. I don't just hope that, but I know that for a fact. And I've decided that I want to be apart of these great things . So I have decided that to start fasting, praying, reading my bible, and to be more of a witness. Why is that you always seem to make these decisions come JR yr. ? I always seem to hear JR's and SR's talk about how they wished they wouldn't have been so careless in the freshman and sophmore yr. and I'm finding out that statement to be true.

I have also decided to make a few promises to myself. I've decided I'm going to start putting myself out there and talking to ppl more. Even ppl I've been going to school w/ since Freshman yr. and haven't hardly said 2 words to. I'm also going to start taking better care of myself. In both public appearance and keeping my room clean and up kept. I know how to look nice. I know how to dress cute and fix my hair...but I got so caught up in the hum-drum of side bun, black skirt, random top, black flats and go. Don't get me wrong that's cute put too repetitive. So I'm going to start dressing cuter and fixing my hair more. I feel better about myself when I do so. And my room...well that's going to be an ongoing battle. But I'm determined to keep a clean and tidy room (someone hold me accountable please lol).

Well I've procrastinated enough on this whole packing thing. So I best be getting back to it. I hope whoever is reading this though takes the time to look over their summer and see where they've come from just since the beginning of summer. You might be surprised of how much or even how little you've changed, learned, and know.

God Bless and Goodbye to the summer of endings and beginnings... you were a great adventure

- Aundreya

P.S. There's a few shouts from my summer :)

"They're trying to climb a social ladder that doesn't even exist."

The other day while going through radio stations I came across a commercial. It was a commercial about teens making the right decisions and such. It kinda reminded me of the anti-drug commercials/ads they came out w/ a few years ago . The ads/commercials showcased teens doing their "anti-drug" which was anything from taking care of their families to activities they enjoyed doing. Anyways back to the commercial I came across.

A teen boy came on and said "Everyone thinks that as a teen you're not a man if you don't have sex. They're trying to climb a social ladder that doesn't even exist." I was blown away by this young mans statement (mainly the latter part).

How is it we constantly seem to be climbing a/the social ladder that truly doesn't exist? Who in fact invented this ladder? What purpose does it hold? Most of the time a ladder is used for us to reach great heights, to be able to reach things unattainable from the ground below. But where does this ladder take you? To me it looks as if it only takes you higher- serving no purpose. You don't see any amazing views unless you like the view of looking down upon those who are below you. And what happens when you reach the top of this so called ladder? What do you obtain from it?

 Now I understand how there is a vast difference between being poor and homeless to living in the district of 90210. I also understand certain types of people are attracted to each other and there isn't wrong with that either. What is wrong, however,is us using it as an excuse to not befriend or talk to those who are not like us.

Most people often say they get tired of stereotypes. Unfortunately, though, we live in a world where we can't help but automatically put people into a stereotype and/or social circle. And though I'm just as guilty about it as anyone else is do you ever wonder why we're always striving to be better than some while trying to be as good as others? 

I don't really have an amazing conclusion to this post talking about how I have the solution to the problem. Truth is I don't really know how to fix it or if you even can. But I guess half the battle is already won in the acknowledging of the problem alone. So in closing I guess all I can say is open your eyes and realize there really isn't a ladder. We all stand on the same level just like we all breath the same air . And before you think I'm not going to put anything spiritual into this Jesus spoke to and ministered to sinners and there was a vast difference between him and them. So what makes us think we are above talking to those who are not like us ?

Poetry...

Some of you may not know it but I was into writing poetry when I was younger and have decided to post some of my old poems I just recently found

Snap! Click! Flash!
Snap! Click! Flash!
You are forever frozen in time.
Snap! Click! Flash!
You are trapped in that emotion.
Snap! Click! Flash!
What was once the present is now the past.
Snap! Click Flash!
Eternal memories captured. Both good and bad.
Snap! Click! Flash!
Your soul has been captured
Snap! Click! Flash!
Our hearts are on display.
There is nothing to be hidden.
Captured and held captive.
The moment is now a prisoner.
To be displayed for all the world to see.
Each smile, tear, laugh, and snarl
remind us of the yesterdays that were once
tomorrows.

And to think it all ends to only begin
with a snap, click, and flash.


Prisoner

Held captive in a prison she built for herself.
She wishes someone would set her free.
But never realizes that in her hand she holds
the key.

Feeling neglected and forgotten she collapses
to the floor.
Refusing to see that she is adored.
She seems to feel comfort in the pain she feels
from being ignored.

She tries to think of ways to escape from
this dreadful place.
Thoughts of freedom cloud her mind.
But she never realizes she is the reason she's
doing the time.

Her scars are hard to hide.
To see them makes you want to cry.
But to her it is her way of showing the
pain she feels inside.

 She likes to blame everyone for being
held captive in this prison she herself has
built.
But never sees that the walls that enclose 
her do no exist.
The chains that bound her are no where to be
found.
The thoughts screaming in her head are
silent to the world.

She is a prisoner.
A prisoner kept captive at her own
will in a prison she herself has built.

Toy Soldiers

Here stands a toy solider in his jeans and t-shirt array.
His breast plate shields his heart from pain.
His smile is his mask for nothing is what it seems.
His tongue is his sword for his words can cut deep.

Tread softly upon his territory for he is always on guard, 
ready and armed.
Though what he fears is to do harm.
He just goes numb so that he doesn't have to feel.
He doesn't like to know that pain is real.

His eyes at times look so cold that you know He
has war stories that are untold.
Many would say he is a brave soul and that is not
a lie, but if they could truly see what haunts him in
his dreams at night.

I'm not trying to make it sound like what this toy solider
does is in vain.
Because he truly is brave.
If he is weak he can lean on a shoulder.
But the war is now over.
It is time for him to come off of his shelf and be among
everyone else.

* I read this poem for a speech in my speech class my freshman yr. and my teacher (Bro. Romine) loved it*


Broken Hope

I lay my burdens down to rest.
My heart pounds heavy in my chest.
I am not strong in fact I am weak and 
at times cannot stand on my own two feet.
I'm tired of this constant fight, but I
know I will get through the night

My secrets have taken their toll.
I have a bruise upon my soul.
I have cried my tears of crimson
and salt.
But alas I know all is not lost.

My screams were held silent against their
will.
Because I was too afraid to feel.
Fear had became a friend to me, but
it will soon become my enemy

I live my life as if it were a play.
To keep the world away from
my pain.
But I have begun to learn there is no
gain unless you count the growth of
pain.

I used to think that it was okay
to always find someone else
to blame.
I used to think that it was fine
to treat everyone so unkind.
But in the end I'd always find
broken hearts including mine.

I would love to say that I'm okay.
I would love to say the pain has
gone away.
But that would be a lie and I'm tired
of trying to hide everything that's
inside of me.
So I pray in spite of my broken
misery that you will see the hope
that still lives inside of me.

Striving to Be

There she sits unknowingly that is truly her destiny. 
Though right now all she sees is pain in time she will smile again. 
Through everything she has stood strong and never gave up her song. 
She continued her dance for she knew this was her chance. 
She fought it all along and though it may have made her stumble she did not tumble. 
For she knew what she had to do and it may have made her weak but it did not break her in to pieces. 
For it is within our weakest times that we truly learn our strengths. 
We learn what makes us break and we learn what it takes. 
It is in these moments she knows that she just has to hold on. 
Though she may frown she has not given up. 
Life just seems tough. 
So little by little she pushes. 
For no one can truly bring her down. 
She's too proud to be pushed around. 
She knows in the end there is victory though to her the future is a mystery. 
So she sits there unknowingly this is truly her destiny. 
She just does what she feels is right and within this strength she shall win the fight.