Carry moonbeams home in a jar ...





I saw this pic and instantly thought of my all time favorite Frank Sinatra song "Swinging on a Star" . I simply love everything about this pic. and the song :)

From beginning to end ...

So I decided to do an interesting post tonight. I was in a mood to edit pics in photoshop (as I often am) and created what I thought was a work of art :) . after all was said and done though I knew how much I had to do to the pic. to get the end result I never realized how big of a change it truly can be so I decided to post some before and after shots on here :)

And that's just some of the many pics. I've edited ... kinda crazy to look at what they were (the pictures) and what they ended up being. Hmmmmmm bet you could get a message outta that ;)

What I say out loud is only half of what's in my head ....

     Ever go to sit down and not be able to write anything? Even though you have millions of thoughts running through your head. You can't put into words what you're thinking ; how you feel ; your view on the world ... not even on paper.

   I feel like I have a lot to say and then when it's my turn at the mic I have nothing, nothing of worth anyways. All the sudden my arguments don't hold up; my emotions get the better of me, and I only say things that are only surface worth. 

      I realized that when I speak I like to be heard. I know what you're thinking. Doesn't everyone ? But I think in life there are some people who want to be heard and then there are those who choose to be heard . I want to choose to be heard I'm just not sure how to get to that point though. I don't want to twiddle my thumbs waiting on an opportunity to present itself but I refuse to speak over the crowd as well. 

     I've realized many different things about myself lately. I'm quiet when I'm upset and I can't shut up when my temper gets the better of me (which is rare). I could talk anyones ear off and yet find it hard to speak up sometimes. What is this quirk that is within me? 

     

  

Proverbs 22:6

" Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. "

- Proverbs 22:6

    
    As many of you know I am highly involved in a program called Jesus House and that it is an inner city children's/youth ministry. Before this program I don't think I ever truly realized how deep my love for children went though. I know some of you would be shocked at that statement knowing that I've ALWAYS loved children, however, there are times you don't realize how deep your love truly goes until it has been tried a time or twenty . I have never truly met my wits end, but have come close quite a few times.


     Tonight while talking to a friend of mine about Jesus House, I got on the topic of kids who have quit coming for various reasons. Though this topic is naturally sad/upsetting it's also very depressing. Every time the topic comes up there are 5 kids in particular that come to my mind. I'm nearly in tears every time I think about them. These kids had stopped coming for reasons that were out of our control.


       I always pray they never forget the lessons we taught them and the love we showed them. I don't care if they ever remember our names or faces, because it's not about us, we are not important. What is important though, is that those kids knew that they were loved. 


      I remember one of the girls had a horrible attitude (and I mean HORRIBLE). I did everything I could to try and help her (or so I thought), but the day always seemed to end with us butting heads. I had been praying for a way to help her make some kind of difference in her life, but could never figure out how. Until one day I had just gotten fed up with it. I was sick and tired of her attitude and wasn't going to take it any longer. Instead of giving her a good talking to or making her sit in time out though (which had been tried and failed), I had taken her a side and had her sit down with me. She sat there with her arms crossed looking at me expecting me to yell at her or make her do something she didn't want to do. Instead I just told her to smile for me (yes, smile for me), nothing more simpler than that. She looked at me extremely confused trying to figure out where I was going with it. However, after having asked her about 3 times she finally smiled, with which I responded with "There's that beautiful girl I know. Why don't you smile more often? Don't you realize you look so much more beautiful when you smile?" It was right after that that I had seen one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen. I nearly cried when I realized I had finally said the right thing. From that point on her and I had a better understanding of each other. She knew I loved her and I finally was able to reach out to her. We still had a few rough patches after that moment but nothing compared to beforehand. My heart nearly broke into a million pieces after she left because it was only 2 weeks after we had made our connection that she left. I pray all the time she never forgets that she was loved and that there were people who cared about her.


     There was also one of the boys who had become one of my little buddies . Every Sunday he made sure to come say hi to me and tell me about his day/week. He always prayed and wanted to make sure I knew he was praying (especially since during this time at Jesus House we had been teaching a lot on praying). Well one Sunday night at alter call I had went up to pray and so did some of the kids. Well after I was done this little boy had asked me why I cried sometimes when I prayed. I knew this was a good opportunity to talk to him about praying and such (obviously). So I explained to him that sometimes when we pray we care so much about the people or situations we are praying about that we cry, or that we love God so much that we cry. He looked at me and responded with "Oh okay". I then looked at him and told him "Do you realize that I care so much about you that when I pray for you I cry too ?" His eyes got huge and the biggest grin came over his face when he looked at me and responded "really?" . I nearly teared up at that moment.


     Situations like the ones above make me realize why I do what I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm being taught more lessons than I am actually teaching. 


      On the outside of my dorm room door I have pics of Jesus House kids. Most of them are of kids who no longer come to Jesus House. I have them there so that I will always see there faces and remember them and the lessons they have taught me. Not to mention to pray for them. Tonight I did something a bit different thought. I took post-it-notes and wrote the name of a kid who no longer comes a sheet and stuck it on my wall. I have a total of 10 up right now. In the year I have been here we have lost 10 kids (and that's only the ones I can actually think of. There are plenty more that I am not remembering). I have the notes on my wall to remind me to pray for those kids. I don't think I could ever just look at those notes casually and pass them by.


     Time is short and we are limited to the amount of time we have to express not only our love to people but God's love as well. I pray that we make as many good differences in peoples lives through Jesus House as we can . If it were up to me every kid in the community would be there every Sunday. But we haven't reached that point yet. But who knows what doors God could open.


    I know a lot of this post seemed to be about kids who no longer come. That isn't to say I don't care about the kids who are currently there though. I don't call Jesus House my "heartbeat" for nothing. I guess I just have those who are no longer there really on my heart tonight. 


     I'm not totally sure how to end this blog other than to say if you want to change lives for the better than start with your own. Take time out of your day to say a prayer, tell someone "I love you.", and go the extra mile to make a difference. And above all else put God first in everything. You can never go wrong with any of that.

    

Never let the fear of a storm keep you from having a picnic...

     So today was Day Apart at IBC (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's a day where classes are canceled, the staff makes and serves breakfast for and to the students, and the students and staff go on some random adventure together) . Today our destination was Brown County state park and the forecast was thunderstorms along with tornado warnings (AKA my worst nightmare) . Needless to say I decided to opt out of this adventure only to find out that everything pretty much stopped not long after everyone had left.


     I was slightly annoyed with Mr. weather man for not truly informing me of how long this storm was going to last but alas when it came down to it I was a bit more annoyed with myself more than anyone else. Though I don't totally regret not going (I did end up catching up on so much needed sleep) I do however, regret letting my fears keep me from going out and enjoying myself with my friends.

     After pondering on this a bit it made me ask myself, how often do we allow our fears to have control over our lives? If we continue to live our lives in fear then all we will know is fear. President Roosevelt said it so well when he said "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

     I think sometimes it would do us some good to step out a bit from where we are comfortable at. Why not speak up a bit more in class? Why not attempt to reach that high note on a solo (you may be surprised how high you can truly go)? Why not ask that girl you sit next to in class out on a date? Why not even say hi to a stranger? These may seem like silly examples, but it seems pretty silly to be hiding under your blankets during what you think is some horrific storm while your friends are having the time of their lives. It's not always a bad thing to have fears, but it is a bad thing when you allow your fears to control you.

     The truth is there's always going to be storms in our life. The question is what are we going to do when they come? Are we going to allow them to keep us from doing what we want or are we going to put on our rain coats, pull on our galoshes, and pack a picnic?

     Though I don't see my fear of storms (the real kind, not the metaphorical kind) disappearing on its own anytime soon. I do, however, know that I have control over my fears. And it is my decision whether or not I allow them to control me

     So with all that being said... I think it's time I put on my rain coat, pulled on my galoshes, and packed a picnic basket. I'm ready to splash in a few puddles, enjoy a few laughs, and have a delicious picnic

Generations before and after us

      I was surfing the net today and came across this icon (the one above) and I rolled my eyes a bit at the rebellion that comes along with this statement but sighed to myself because for some , sadly, it is true in many ways.
      
     We don't really have control of how our authority figures in life raise us. Good or bad many times it is out of our control. But that does not always give us an excuse to act the way we do.

     We often hear the saying "You are a product of your raising" and this is very true, we are. How we are raised as a child will affect us our entire lives . However, there is such a thing as the age of accountability.

    Though some people think the "age of accountability" only refers to when you're an "adult" and only then are you responsible for yourself. I personally do not percieve that to be true. I think on the contrary the age of accountability comes into play when you know the differences between good and bad, right and wrong, truths and lies. And that is something most of us are taught at a fairly young age.

     Many things happen in our lives that are out of our control, and sometimes, out of the authority figures in lives control as well. These events/things can truly alter everything about us and often do. Many times we aren't in control of and/or responsible for the way these events alter our lives.We are however responsible for ourselves when/if we choose to remain the way we are. If the way we are and how we act aren't what seems to be up to par and we are aware of this then why aren't we ourselves striving to change or at least willing to try to do so.

      If you are full of anger, rebellion, hurt, depression, etc. and are aware of it and you for whatever reason do not try to change it then you can no longer blame others for how you are. You are then responsible for yourself alone. You can no longer blame those around you.

    I also what to challenge everyone who seems to have the attitude towards life that this icon does , how are you going to raise the generations after us? Some of us are already parents and are no longer responsible for ourselves alone. We have now put ourselves out there with a chance to be judged by those after us by the same mindset. What kind of generation are we willing to raise up ?

   And even though some of us aren't parents yet we are still responsible for the generations after us. True the  previous generation that raised us is responsible for us, but there were generations before them that were responsible for them. It continues to be an ongoing cycle and honestly will never end until the coming of the Lord.

   So what are we going to do about this? Are we going to continue to blame everyone but ourselves for the way we are and never at least attempt to change or are we going to decide that change is within our grasp and no one but ourselves can make the desicion to change.

   Here's your chance... How will you choose to live your life?

   

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Just something simple...

    So tonight after service I was still lingering around the alter praying about some thing that have been really heavy on my heart lately. When all of the sudden I hear this voice talking to me saying " Hey, are you okay?" and when I didn't respond the first time (wasn't totally sure they were talking to me) they asked me again "Hey, are you okay?" . Feeling a bit annoyed at the point that somone is interrupting me while I'm praying I open my eyes and slowly turn my head to see, to my suprise, one of our newest Jesus House kids standing there looking pretty concerned. This was his first church service and didn't really know that it's rude to sometimes interrupt people while they're praying. I just looked at him with a smile and told him that I was fine that I was just praying. To which he responded " Everything's going to be okay. You know that , right?" I looked at him near tears once again and responded with "I know it is and thank you" . The conversation quickly came to a close w/ a shoulder pat and goodbye's .

    I don't know if that kid really knows what he did or that God used him. But he gave me exactly the answer that I needed to hear tonight .

    Up until I had been interrupted I felt like I hand't recieved an answer about anything and that I wasn't done praying , but after I had been interrupted I felt like I no longer needed to pray and though it was small I had recieved somewhat of an answer :) .

  God always has a funny way of showing us that he's there when we least expect it.

    So lately I have had the song "I Am" stuck in my head. I have a pretty good feeling that this song will be my song for the semester (I seem to have one every semester that just sticks with me. 1st semester was "I Give Myself Away", 2nd was "If You Can Use Anything Lord") . And I'm pretty sure everyone in the office is getting tired of hearing me play it...but it's all good lol.

     Seriously have any of you thought about how powerful those 2 words ; 3 letters are - "I AM"

Fireflies and Thunderstorms - This Little Light of Mine

  
     Something I have noticed (and always loved ) about the northern summers is the enormous amount of fireflies that we have. Brings back memories of childhood. What felt like late summer nights running around w/ our pickel jars seeing how many we could catch.

    Something I have been noticing about this little bug though. Whenever I step outside on to my balcony I can see the yard below well lit w/ little blinking bugs. It's not just the warm and/or breezy nights I see them  though,  I also see them even when it is raining and storming out.

     Now given there aren't as many and their light may not be as bright as some but they're still out there and just a shinging away
       Lately in the great city of Indianapolis it has been storming off and on for over a week (and shall continue for another week...or so I hear/read) If were up to me I would go without them.
 
     Well anyways tonight was one of those many nights that it decided to storm (we're talking rain, wind, crashing lightening, and rolling thunder).

     Now I know whoever is reading this is automatically assuming that I'm going to turn this into something spiritual and well... you're right lol.

       I'll just keep it short and simple though. What if like the firefly we continued to let our lights shine even through the storms we go through. Sure there might not be as many fireflies out shining their light during stormy nights as there are on the warmer and dryer summer nights. But if you look around there are still quite a few just the same. Just remember you're never alone in your storms and to always let your light shine. You never know who is watching you.

     Like me with the little fireflies I didn't expect to see any bugs out the first time I noticed it (about a week ago) I thought maybe it was some kinda fluke. But have continued to see them out in the back yard weathering the storm and letting their lights shine.

   Pretty insperational if you ask me

Thoughts...

So I had a few random thoughts and though I should being studying for finals I feel as if I don't get those thoughts outta my head then I'll never be able to start studying...so here it goes

Thought #1: You know the saying "Can't teach an old dog new tricks" ? Well it was on my mind the other day and the thought hit me . What if the "old dog" this quote is refering to is actaully talking about a stubborn and/or lazy  old dog. Because I've met some "old dogs" in my life and well... they're more apt to learning "new tricks" then even some of "younger dogs". So I think the inventor of this quote was mislead

Thought #2: Things you have been taught through out the yrs. really can and do stick w/ you through out your life. Tonight in church they sang a song that I had learned a good 5 or 6 yrs. as a choir song for youth camp and when it came to a certin part of the song that the camp choir director had REALLY worked w/ us on , I found myself tonight singing it the way she had taught us. I giggled at myself.

Thought #3: Sometimes the simplest thoughts are actually not as "simple" as we think they are. We just hear them so often that we get bored w/ them. When in reality they are very prfound. Just like "God is love" ... yeah we hear it every day and it's simple, yet try REALLY thinking about. AMAZING!

When you don't have the words to say... sometimes you can use somone elses

Happiness

Just one simple thought and it is this ... Happiness isn't being blind to the wong around you. Happiness is seeing the wrong around you and choosing to be happy.

Joshua and the Battle of Jericho

     So Sunday I had to teach a lesson at Jesus House. I had been praying about it and decided to teach on Joshua and the battle of Jericho (which is my fave. Bible Story). I went through the motions of explaining the story and trying to stay somewhat animated so as to keep the kids attention.

    I have always enjoyed this story and the older I have gotten the more I have learned to appreciate it. When I first realized I loved the story I couldn't figure out why it meant so much to me until one day it hit me that it was a story of promises, commitment, and how even after you've obtained it all it takes is something as simple as taking of the "accursed things" to destroy it all .

    I have learned (and am continuing to learn) that God has promises for us out there. Sometimes we just have to shut up and continue doing what he has called us to do, and in the end we will obtain our promises.

   I have also learned though that even after we have obtained his promises it's not something we can take for granted. If we let "accrursed things" into our lives it can not only destroy us but everything/everyone around us. Because Achan couldn't keep his hands/eyes to himself and took of the accursed things, the children of Isreal lost the battle at Ai (the first time that is). God's blessing wasn't upon them any longer. It wasn't until God had revealed it to Joshua, that Joshua had found out why God's blessing had been taken off of them. It also wasn't until they rid of Achan and the the things he had taken that they were able to conquer AI.

   Sometimes we feel that if we can hide the sins in our lives or whatnot that it won't hurt anyone. As the saying goes "What they don't know won't hurt them." But in the end our sins will always find us out. Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow...but in the end they always will. It's not until we rid ourselves of  these accursed things/sin that we will truly be able to obtain God's blessings again.

   Some of this didn't truly hit me until I was infront of all of those kids telling this story. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of some of these concepts before. But I thank God for both pointing it out to me and also allowing me to teach it to the kids. It has become a great blessing to me. I guess it's kinda like when a preacher says "I'm preaching to myself too", sometimes you end up teaching yourself a thing or 2 even when you're teaching others.

- Aundreya :)