You know, by now you'd think I'd know how to feel. You'd think I had it all figured out. But the truth is I don't.
I struggle with standing upon a thin line. You know the kind you can only stand upon if you're on your tip toes and the whole time you're anxious in fear of losing your balance and falling over. Well, that my friends is my current location.
You see this fine line seems to be separating love and hate. If it were a seesaw I'd be sitting in the center while love and hate both balanced up in the air with their feet dangling.
My words of "wisdom" come smoothly and soothingly to others but when I try to put my own words of advice into practice I am turned about in a tizzy.
My lens is that of a watch face that water has gotten into it - visible but with a few spots blurred over.
I have cried, I have prayed, I have questioned and still I am left in the state of hurt and confusion.
I trust in God with all my heart and I know all things are under his control. And that is all I truly have to cling to. Though I may not understand I know that some things will never be explained. I have to let God be my strength. I have to let God by my shoulder that I cry on. And I am learning that when I cannot seem to find understanding in things of this world in God I find understanding in knowing that he has his hands upon everything.
God promised he would never leave nor forsake me. So in my state of hurt and confusion I find strength in an all knowing, all seeing, and all loving God.
I still don't know how I should feel ... but maybe in time I will.
