You say you want to be a great example. You say you want to change the world. You say you know God has a plan for your life. But was slowly killing yourself a part of this? Or was even attempting to end it quicker an even greater solution? How can you attempt to help bring a city to it's knees if you can't even get off your back?
We all have troubles. We all have trials. But we don't all have to go through 'em alone. I think if we realized how often we put ourselves through these so called trials we'd stop blaming God and others for the way that we ourselves are. You can be a product of your raising but there comes a point when you're a product of your own free will.
Life is a gift from God that he allows us to have (among many others). He can take it away just as quickly as he gives it. If you believe he has a purpose for your life and he hasn't killed you yet then why do you think you have the right to take that gift away from yourself. That specially packaged and personalized gift. Who are we to be selfish and think we have free reign over it. True you may have it now while on the earth, but my friend you are in for a great surprise in the after life.
Open your eyes. And by opening your eyes I do not mean pulling back your lids, you can keep those closed for all I care. You see a blind man can see more without his sight sometimes that a man with perfect vision. However what I do mean is open your eyes of love, open your eyes of reality. See life the way that God sees it. Do you think he views life as perfection? If your answer is yes then you are living an illusion. God knows and sees exactly how life is. We are living in a dark age my friend and in all reality it's only growing darker and darker. So why you would choose to add to this darkness, why you would allow yourself to blend in (which is what you protest you don't want to happen), why would you choose to be so selfish and deny truth is all beyond me.
I just wish you could see what I see. And I promise you, if you saw what I see you would be highly disappointed.
