2011, twentyeleven, 20eleven, twenty11, two thousand-eleven, 2,000 + 11

   I am currently sitting on my floor looking at how messy my room really is (shocker i know lol) listening to Dave Barnes and though I HAVE to pick up this mess and find my floor I am enjoying the break from cleaning (been cleaning random things around IBC off and on the past few days). So what better time than to write a blog then... right?

 As all of you know it is the beginning of a new year which means new beginnings; fresh starts; resolutions; and change. I don't know if I have ever been more determined about the change that I want to and is going to take place this year. I refuse to have resolutions; but determinations instead.

    Bible reading being one of them. You would think this would be a no-brainer for a PK in Bible College. But the truth is it's a struggle just the same. It's not that I don't want to read it nor that I won't read it, but sometimes it feels like I never have time to. Don't crucify me for being honest , because many of you feel like that from time to time. I know, I know I'm in Bible College I shouldn't have to "make" time it should just happen. Truth is even in Bible college you get in the same rut as you would in any other college. You have classes and schedules, homework assignments, and your Bible is your txt book that you skim through just to find the answer you're looking for. But I no longer want my bible to be just a text book that I read for an assignment but purely for the fact that I want to get closer to God and have a better understanding of him (and of even myself). So my plan is to have the whole bible read come this time next year. I'm excited :)

     I also want to start praying more (which goes hand in hand with bible reading). I don't want my prayers just to consists of praying right before bed (which is normally short and sweet), during church/chapel, and when something is wrong. Though those are all great times to pray I want to be able to say that I talk daily to God. I don't want my prayers to be just a one way street of my wants, cares, and fears. Though I do want to share my wants, cares, and fears with him, however,  I also want to be able to hear him and his words; listen for his directions and guidance.

     I want to be able to work on my friendships. I have come to learn that the older you get the more you learn to truly cherish friendships. Growing up I had many, many, many friends (that's what happens when you're a social butterfly as a kid and move around/travel a lot) . Now that I'm 23 though I can probably count on 1 hand how many friends that I grew up with that I still keep in contact w/ no matter what's going on. I guess you learn what friendships were truly strong...and sometimes you're surprised by which ones really do last. 

     Anyone who truly knows me knows friendships are extremely important to me, because I've come to realize true friends are hard to come by and even harder to keep. Friends and family are what keep me going (aside from God). Though I'm often told how good of a friend I am I don't ever want to hear how horrible of a friend I was. I always want to my friends to know that I have 2 shoulders to cry on incase one isn't enough ; I'm almost always willing to listen  ; I can and will be blunt when I feel the need to be (but always have good intentions) ; they're always, always, ALWAYS in my prayers. I'm of the belief that if you want true friends then you yourself have to be a true friend.

    Getting healthier would be nice to do. All I seem to eat is fast food, cafeteria food, and the occasional salad when I don't like what they're serving in the caf. All I ever seem to drink is soda , even though I like juice and tea more. I should start drinking more water ! I also what to start exercising and getting into shape. NO! I do not think I'm fat and am not trying to lose weight, however, I do know I am out of shape and don't like the way it makes me feel. I wont have a good metabolism my whole life so I better get healthy now before it gets ahead of me.

     I want to work on my relationship with my family. Growing up many times they were all I had. No matter how mad we were at each other, no matter where we went, no matter what we went through we were ALWAYS there for each other. I want to work on relationships with  family members I never talk to anymore. I would also like to work on my relationship with my brother. 

     It's no secret that even though we truly love each other neither of us is as close to the other as we are our sister Rene (she's the baby). It's not as easy for us to talk to each other. I want to be able to sit down with him one on one and have a good heart to heat. Even if it's just over the phone.

     I also need to try to talk to my Grandma and Grandpa Horne (Daddy's parents) more. They're getting older and I don't want to say what I said when Grandpa Ridgeway (Momma's daddy) passed away which was "I wished I had talked to him more and formed more of a relationship." (and I am crying typing this... *sigh*)

 I wouldn't mind dating either. No I'm not husband hunting, and no I'm not desperate . I'm just being honest. I am aware that I decided that this year I was having "determinations" instead of "resolutions" . So before the thought gets in your head (if it hasn't already) no, I am not determined to date. But I am determined to be okay with dating. It was never that I didn't want to date, it was just that I was always scared to for various reasons. So I'm going to be more open to the idea. Who knows what'll happen .

     I have to work on my schooling too. I've been slacking way too much and because of that I"m receiving grades that should be better than they are. It's all my own fault and I often seem to let things get away from me; but I don't want that to be the case anymore. I am capable of being a good student and getting my work done I just have to make myself be more studious. Work and social life can no longer be an excuse !

     I need to start doing the things I enjoy again. Going back to the small things in life that make me happy. Like swinging, photography (real photography and not snap shots), coloring, taking walks, visiting a graveyard or 2 (yes I love going to graveyards), things like that . I don't know when it was the last time I did any of these... whether it be with someone else or by myself I need to start doing these things again. 

     And lastly I am determined to have a better self-esteem. My self-esteem isn't horrible but there are a few areas that could use some work. And honestly I feel like if I do the things above most (if not all) the kinks will be worked out :) .

So here's to a new year -

    Aundreya :)